Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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