Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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