Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
