You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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