hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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