At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
