one might say we're banned from that church
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
