You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize