Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
