That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
