wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
