he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
