its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
