we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
