so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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