I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
