If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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