I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize