tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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