What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
