I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize