WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
