2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
