dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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