you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
