If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
