Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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