addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
