There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
