i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize