I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
