A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
