I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize