If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
