I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize