I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
