youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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