There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize