Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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