OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize