I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
