Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
