I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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