I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
