and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
