wrigley field is MILF paradise
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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