i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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