3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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