He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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