highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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