apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
