How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
