Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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