her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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