6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
