It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
