wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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