Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ketchup is God's man juice
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
