I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
