She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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