I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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