Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
