my phone needs a breathalizer
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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