he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize