Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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