my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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