lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
