i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My underwear smells like fireworks.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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