explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
