By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
