Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
