I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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