Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
