He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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