I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
