You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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