Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
