There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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