Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize