I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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