a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What a dumb baby whore.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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