we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
