was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
