Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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