oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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