this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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