I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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