His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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