i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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