On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
