Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
