I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
