Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
