I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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