You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize